Wouldn’t you though?
They once dedicated a whole shop to the things, and over the years Fortnum & Mason have created many strange and wonderful cracker creations, including explodable party pieces shaped like turkeys, Champagne bottles, beer barrels Christmas cakes, and even tug-of-war crackers six feet long. Many were so explosive they would fail modern health and safety standards.
And so, in the grand tradition of making a right old racket come Christmastime, they have revealed their latest cracker creation – The Sensational Six Person Super Cracker – BOOM!
Designed to inspire both fun and a little competition too, inside you’ll find jokes written by British national treasure and all-round-good-egg Stephen Fry, along with eight musical whistles (each corresponding to a different note) with sheet music. Choose one guest to be a conductor, dish out the whistles then watch the maestro in charge and blow your whistles when instructed.
The result will be one of two things: you’ll either make beautiful festive music together, or an almighty racket. Whichever it ends up being will probably depend on how far into the Christmas Port you are.
Fortnum & Mason, £65