Well paint me green and call me a cucumber. Ain’t this the prettiest country house you ever did see? I’ve had a sneaky peek through the keyhole, and I can confirm that she’s just as good on the inside. Am I green? Oh yes I am.
You know the drill ladies and gents. I’ll take you on a tour, and drop a few little hints along the way. You consult with Mr Smith over the back fence and come up with a figure, and the winner gets a romantic night out with Kevin McCloud. Or Mr Smith. You choose.
Are you ready to rumble? Let’s do this thang…
Here we have Red Lane Farm, a charming Grade II listed country house sitting on three-quarters of an acre on the outskirts of Limpsfield, near Oxted. The house is believed to date back to the mid 16th century, and there are bagfuls of character including inglenook fireplaces and exposed timber beams on ceilings and walls. There are five bedrooms, two bathrooms, three receptions rooms and a detached coach house which has planning consent to be converted into a separate annexe.
Location wise you’re deliciously commutersville, with Oxted station only a couple of miles away (with direct trains to London in 35 mins) and the M25 handily nearby giving pretty good access to most motorway networks. And yet sitting just outside a small village and being surrounded by beautiful established gardens you’re also mainlining countryside – so add a little premium in price for that little combo.
But let’s go back inside and have a peek a boo. It’s an ideal house for entertaining. Inside the front door and immediately to your left is a big kitchen breakfast room with double doors opening from the breakfast area to a large terrace. Next door is a handy utility room, and across the hall is the sitting room which leads into the dining room, which leads into a family room.
Upstairs is the master bedroom, with ensuite shower room, plus four other double bedrooms and a family bathroom. And if that still isn’d enough to accommodate your lascivious extended husband-swapping parties, don’t forget there’s a former coach house which is begging to be converted into a three bedroom annexe.
The gardens are clearly pretty stunning, with established trees, mature borders and secluded nooks. And lawn. Lots of gorgeously stripey lawn. Your arrival at the house is pretty impressive too, from Red Lane via double gates.
Fancy buying yourself into this life? Yeah me too. But how much will it cost you? No cheating – work out the price you think it’s worth, consult, lay your bets and see how close you get. Then check on where your nearest bank is and start planning your raid.