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Things to do: This week

MON 24 - SUN 30 SEPT

THEATRE: Vulcan 7
■ Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford  ■ Wed 19 – Sat 29 Sept

Young Ones stars Adrian Edmondson and Nigel Planer reunite for a hilarious new comedy – which they have also written – about a two former drama students who meet again aged in their 60s on the set of a fantasy movie. The show premieres in Guildford before touring, including dates at Richmond Theatre in October. yvonne-arnaud.co.uk

THEATRE: Teechers
■ The Back Room of The Star Inn, Guildford ■ Wed 19 – Sat 29 Sept

Guildford Fringe Theatre Company present a raucous, robust production of John Godber’s razor-sharp comedy Teechers. Directed by Harry Blumenau, the play stars Lauren James Ray, Sam Stay and Elle Banstead-Salim who play 20 different characters between them. guildfordfringe.com

THEATRE: Taj Express
■ New Victoria Theatre, Woking ■ Mon 24 Sept

Aglitzy Bollywood extravaganza blending explosive dance with the hits of India’s most iconic composers, Taj Express is brought to life by the stars of Bollywood cinema and its greatest musicians live on stage. The musical features songs by Oscar winner A.R Rahman, composer of Slumdog Millionaireatgtickets.com

MARKET: Sunbury Antiques Fair
■ Kempton Park Racecourse ■ Tues 25 Sept

If you love a good rootle around an antiques fair, you’re going to love the Sunbury Antiques Fair at Kempton Park Racecourse. There are more than 700 stalls (inside and out) selling everything from French farmhouse furniture to antique kitchenalia and jewellery. It opens at 6.30am, and if you want to snavel a bargain, I’d get there early. Admission and parking are free. sunburyantiques.com

TALK: An Evening with Brian Blessed
■ G Live, Guildford ■ Wed 26 Sept

Not one for peeps of a sensitive nature who might be offended by the occasional expletive, but for the rest of us it’s a show that promises entertainment and fun. Brian will talk about his career on stage and screen including anecdotes from Flash Gordon, Black Adder, I Claudius and Z Cars and his many appearances in Shakespearean Productions. He is also an avid climber and has conquered Everest and Kilimanjaro amongst others. Tickets are £29. glive.co.uk

ART: Art Parlour: A Thrilling Life Drawing Experience
■ The Boileroom, Guildford ■ Thurs 27 Sept

The theme for this multi-sensory life drawing session ‘Tales from the Dark Side’. You’ll enjoy a relaxed atmosphere and draw, sketch or paint the Hundred Watt Club’s B-Movie model Tabitha Taboo, before a burlesque performance! Basic materials (paper, pens, pencils) are provided but feel free to bring your own. No skill necessary – the drawing is informal and fun. This is an artistic experience, rather than a lesson. Tickets are £10 in advance, £12 on the night, but places are limited to it’s best to book ahead. theboileroom.net

COMEDY: Joke in the Box
■ The Lightbox, Woking ■ Thurs 27 Sept

The popular series of stand-up comedy nights at The Lightbox, featuring the best up-and-coming and established acts on the stand-up circuit. There are limited tickets available, so you’ll have to book in advance. Suitable for age 16+. Tickets £8. thelightbox.org.uk

COMEDY: Godalming Gag House
■ Godalming Borough Hall, Bridge Street, Godalming ■ Sat 28 Sept

Clever gags and sharp wit are on the cards as the monthly professional club Godalming Gag House Comedy Club makes its debut at Godalming Borough Hall this month.  And what an impressive comedy line-up they’ve assembled for you: prepare to be thoroughly entertained by Clinton Baptiste, Jason Patterson, Mike Cox and Cally Beaton (pictured). gaghousecomedy.com

COMEDY: Hal Cruttenden: Chubster
■ Dorking Halls ■ Fri 28 Sept

If you haven’t got you fill yet of Hal Cruttenden (I mean this guy’s everywhere right now) – you can catch his new show Chubster at Dorking Halls this month. Apparently his daughters chose the title of his new stand-up show. He’s now on a diet. dorkinghalls.co.uk

MUSICAL: At Last: The Etta James Story
■ G Live, Guildford ■ Sat 29 Sept

Starring the sensational Vika Bull, At Last tells the story of soul legend Etta James turbulent life and features some of her most beloved songs including Tell Mama, Something’s Got A Hold On Me, Sugar On The Floor, the heart rending I’d Rather Go Blind, her iconic signature song At Last and more. Tickets from £22.50-£42.50. glive.co.uk

EXHIBITION: Impressionism: The Art of Life
■ The Lightbox, Woking ■ Sat 29 Sept – Sun 13 Jan

Works by world-renowned artists such as Paul Cézanne, Edgar Degas and Pierre-Auguste Renoir, all of whom exhibited artwork in the very first Impressionist group exhibition in France. It showcases a rare combination of French Impressionist paintings and sculpture, spanning from the early 1860s to the beginning of the First World War. thelightbox.org.uk

VARIETY SHOW: Colin Cloud: The Forensic Mind Reader – Live
■ Camberley Theatre ■ Sun 30 Sept

The Scottish stage mentalist describes himself as a forensic mind reader. A sort of Sherlock Holmes of entertainment – if Holmes had a flair for comedy. He’ll know what you’ve had for lunch, where you’ve been that day, what you do for a living, the car you drive, even your PIN code. Apparently he’ll read you like a book. camberleytheatre.co.uk

EXHIBITION: Sidney Francis: Photographs of work in the 1920s and 1930s
■ The Lightbox, Woking ■ until Sun 7 October

Sidney Francis’ work gives us an insight into life in the 1920s and 1930s in Woking and nearby towns. Events such as Eid celebrations, visits of American war widows, wedding parties and sports teams are amongst the highlights of this wonderful photographic exhibition from The Surrey History collection. thelightbox.org.uk

EXHIBITION: Florabundance: Contemporary Flower Art
■ Watts Gallery, Compton ■ until Sun 7 Oct

The Watts Gallery will be presenting a bouquet of flower paintings, drawings and prints by 12 contemporary British artists. Celebrating the best of modern floral art, the exhibition recalls inspiration from the gallery founders, George Frederic Watts and his wife Mary Watts. wattsgallery.org.uk

EXHIBITION: Mary Watts: Pioneering Suffragist
■ Watts Gallery, Guildford ■ until Sun 2 Dec

Mary Watts by Frederic Hollyer

To coincide with the anniversaries of enabling women’s right to vote, Watts gallery will be Drawing on new research undertaken by Dr Lucy Ella Rose, exploring Mary Watts as a figurehead of non- militant feminism in her community. It also features strong female figures and symbols of freedom, that appear in Mary Watts’s work. Free with admission. wattsgallery.org.uk

FURTHER AFIELD

FASHION: London Fashion Week and Festival
■ London venues ■ Fri 14 – Sun 23 Sep 

If your invitations to the main catwalk shows got lost in the post (yours too, eh?), mere mortals can buy tickets to the London Fashion Week Festival with designer and trend shows on the catwalk, talks with various industry figures such as ex-fashion ed turned interiors blogger Erica Davies, and pop-up shopping with over 150 top British and international brands. Totter along in your Jimmy Choos (or Zara sales bargain in my case) and return home looking absolutely fabulous, dahling. londonfashionweek.co.uk

EXHIBITION: The Shape of Light
■ Tate Modern, London ■ until Sun 14 Oct

Antony Cairns, LDN5_051 2017 © Courtesy of the artist Antony Cairns

This new exhibition chronicles 100 years of photography and abstract art, exploring the development of abstraction with photography from early pioneers to our 21st century digital innovators with over 300 works by artists such as Man Ray and Jackson Pollock. tate.org.uk

EXHIBITION: Azzedine Alaïa: The Couturier
■ The Design Museum, London ■ until Sun 7 Oct

Fascinating exhibition of the sculptor turned couturier, Azzedine Alaïa, who found fans in Michelle Obama, Rhianna and Grace Jones, with his flair for couture and refusal to stick to fashion week deadlines. designmuseum.org

EXHIBITION: Frida Kahlo: Making Herself Up
■ Victoria & Albert Museum, London ■ until Sun 4 Nov

The iconic Mexican’s artist’s personal belongings were locked away by her husband when she died and are being exhibited outside Mexico for the first time. There are some beautifully embroidered clothes but more interesting are her cosmetics (no jokes about eyebrow tweezers please), swimsuit and brightly painted prosthetic leg (Kahlo suffered Polio as a child and had a deformed limb) in this intimate and fascinating exhibition. V&A Museum

EXHIBITION: Scoop: A Wonderful Ice Cream World
■ The British Museum of Food, London ■ until 30 Sep

Finally! A valid excuse to stuff my face. The British Museum of Food returns with its first major exhibition Scoop: A Wonderful Ice Cream World. Dedicated entirely to the frozen treat, explore memorabilia from the world’s largest collection of ice cream paraphernalia, discover the neuroscience behind it and try scoops of bygone eras, from daffodil to all-day-breakfast flavour (hmm). Other highlights include ice cream-flavoured weather (vanilla fog!) and glow-in-the-dark concoction that you can eat in a futuristic luminescent cave. Pass the ladle, I’m going in… bmof.org

THEATRE: Little Shop of Horrors
■ Regents Park Open Air Theatre, London ■ until 
15 Sep

This off-beat musical about a florist shop assistant who pines for his work colleague but doesn’t know how to win her heart or what to do to sate the appetite of a human-eating plant looks great fun. Matt Willis from Busted fame, drag queen Vicky Fox, Jemima Rooper and Marc Antolin star in the OTT show that seems perfect for summer in the lovely setting of Regent’s Park (Brucie bonus – the theatre boasts the longest bar in the West End!). openairtheatre.com

ACTION: Zip Now London
■ Archbishops Park, Lambeth ■ until 9 Sep

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nope it’s a human torpedo whizzing down a 738ft wire, 100ft (9 double decker buses!) above Archbishop’s Park at 50mph. Beats the tube any day of the week. What we’ll do to avoid our faces been wedged in someone’s sweaty armpit. Get yourself down to South Bank, climb to the top the tower and wheeeeeeee. Suitable from 8+. zip-now.co

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